The Accidental Olympian

HURRY! I HAVE GOOD NEWS!

So back in March when I started this blog the only thing I thought would come of it was that it would be a fantastic way to kill some of the 40+ hours a week I was spending at home alone being pathetic and unemployed. I knew my mom would read it, hoped maybe a friend or two might glance at it, but really that’s about as far as my imagination carried me.

Then before I knew it, ALL YOU FABULOUS PEOPLE SHOWED UP and I was like, “Um excuse me? Are you lost?” But no, turns out you aren’t lost, which is amazing and delightful. Please, come over to my house, I shall cook you something and get you drunk in appreciation.

Even more wild than knowing that there are real live people who read this blog is having a great company like Cookware.com contact me to see if I would be interested in giving something back to the people. They actually allowed ME, crazy o’l me look around on their site and pick something out to give to YOU my fantabulous readers!

SO, I was instantly drawn to the Rachael Ray Cookware section, because no matter what you say about her voice, I LOVE her food, but then something even more scrumptious caught my eye.  Not sure if you know this about me, but I am obsessed with Le Creuset. I frequently get distracted by the Le Creuset section of my grocery store and stop to pet the tea pots which I am fully aware is weird and creepy behavior. Seeing as I can’t actually afford to own any of their items, I immediately headed over to the Le Creusset section of the website to pick something out for YOU. I wanted to give a lucky reader a kitchen full of this stuff, but alas I had limits. BUT, even with my limitations I was able to find an ADORABLE little serving dish with a snazzy lid in their price range.

One lucky reader will win the Le Creuset 12oz Petite Oval Casserole Dish. If you actually know how to bake adorable miniature casseroles, more power to you. I would probably use this for things like salsa or dip at parties, but hey, some of us are classy, and some of us just aren’t. I can live with that.

So, if you want a chance to win this lovely little dish of adorableness, write ANYTHING in the comments. What you’d make with it if it was yours, a funny story, hell just introduce yourself if you’ve been reading in the shadows. HI! NICE TO MEET YOU! WOULD YOU LIKE A TINY CASSEROLE DISH? I ain't picky. I’ll use a random generator to pick a number, and then POOF! This Friday I’ll close the comments at 5, and after that I'll contact the winner to get their info and ask what color they want!

People, it doesn’t get any easier than that.

So go, comment away, and if you’re lucky this little guy might just come home with you.*

*disclaimer, only US and Canadian readers please. I know, I know, sorry I don’t make the rules.

ROLLER DERBY

About a year ago, two of my best friends boarded planes and headed across the sea to begin their European adventures sans yours truly. I waved good-bye, scratched my head, and wondered what the fuck I was supposed to do now that my friends were both gone. I don't remember exactly when the idea of roller derby came across my mind as a possible way to make new friends and let out some aggression, but I just remember spending hours online researching teams in Seattle, looking at the gear I would need, and watching videos of bouts on YouTube thinking, I bet I would be good at that...

But of course as I browsed the videos and websites there was this little voice in the back of my head that kept saying, Stop pretending, you can't do that. I believed that little voice, and in the end I let the fear of being rejected, or sucking, or not being tough enough keep me from stepping out from behind my computer screen. 

Then of course I lost my job, moved to Olympia, and before I knew it I was realizing that if I didn't take matters into my own hands and attempt to move beyond my sometimes crippling social anxiety, it would just be Adam and I staring at each other for eternity. The book group was a LIFE SAVING first step because it showed me that there were women in this new city that I could relate to. But I knew I needed to continue to push myself.

Then I read a post on All & Sundry on how Linda was going to step outside her comfort zone and run a half marathon. Even though it scared her, and she thought she couldn't do it, and her immediate impulse was to say NO for so many reasons, she was going to commit anyway. At the bottom of her post she dared her readers to think of the thing they immediately skirted away from, think of something that made our stomach twist simply at the thought of tackling it, and then DO IT. 

Ummmm I can't run a full, half or even one-sixteenth marathon, so that's out. I kept asking myself, what is there that I desperately want to do? What is there that lies just beyond my reach? What am I missing? What is out there that I felt like I would love completely and utterly but I'm just too chicken to actually tackle? For quite a while I was drawing serious blanks.

Then I went and saw Whip It.

And as I walked back to my car I remembered my fleeting roller derby dream. And how I love being on a team. And how I literally grew up on roller blades. And how even though roller blades and skates are NOTHING alike, I was pretty sure I could figure it out. And I remembered how I LIVE for dress up themed parties, how I desperately needed an evil alter ego, and how fucking thrilled beyond belief I would be if I tried this, and then found out that I did in fact love being a roller derby girl.

So I did. Sunday November 1st I fought the urge to vomit the ENTIRE drive to the stake rink, I gathered the strength needed to open the door to the rink, and I walked in the room and announced to a room full of bad ass women I desperately wanted to be friends with that I was Fresh Meat and would like a shot at being an Oly Roller. I shit you not, my heart has never beat faster in my entire life.

I survived the first practice. And the second, and even the third. And I am going to keep coming back for more until I can officially call myself a 'roller derby girl'. I have 60 days to practice with the team and see if this whole roller derby thing is for me. At the end of those 60 days I will be given a roller derby name, handed the worlds shortest shirt and a pair of fishnet tights and welcomed officially on board. I have no idea if this is my new love, or a fleeting hobby, but it doesn't even matter because I can say with actual certainty that I will never look back on my life and say, "I wish I had tried out for a roller derby team... I wonder if I would have been good at that?"

Want to know more about this sport I am jumping into? Here's a video called, Roller Derby Explained, and below I even tracked down a video on ESPN describing the Roller Derby Revival sweeping the nation since 2001.

People, I am most likely going to get my ass handed to me on a silver platter. Twice. And yet, I haven't been this excited in YEARS.

COUNTING PENNIES

When you find yourself counting your combined change to see if you can swing lunch and a movie you know things are tight. The dreamers that we are, when we sat down to count each penny our hopes were to have enough coins to make it to Cannon Beach, Oregon. Adventure was dearly needed to lift our spirits, and the thought of driving to the coast for pizza and a sunset sounded like just the thing to bring us out of our funk. 

In the end all we managed was lunch in town.

But next time, I'm hoping we'll dip our toes in the sea.

 

WELL BEND ME OVER, SPANK MY ASS AND CALL ME SHIRLEY

On December 5th, 2008 I lost my job. By Jan 1st 2009 I had also lost my health insurance. When you lose your job most companies kindly hand you a little packet on signing up for unemployment health insurance through COBRA. Which sounds nice and all, until you read it and see the part where it says that COBRA health insurance will cost you $385 bucks a MONTH.

Um. I just lost my job. Where in the HELL am I supposed to get $385 bucks a month to let alone feed myself? I’ll wear a helmet when I cross the street from now on, but thanks for the offer!

I honestly thought I would find another job by the end of Jan, and have health insurance through a company by the end of March at the latest. I figured I would be careful as I could, stock up on birth control through Planned Parenthood, and cross my fingers. Yeah… about that whole job by the end of January thing, turns out it wasn’t that easy.

Most people would just wait out the whole no health insurance thing and hope for the best. Me, I happen to be one of those people who finds a way to become dangerously ill or tragically injured when I lose my health insurance. Like when I was a freshman in college, recently dumped off my folks California HMO and in the middle of trying to figure out how to get myself covered again, SURPRISE! I got tonsillitis. And not the run of the mill tonsillitis either, I got the I’M GOING TO FUCKING DIE I CAN’T SWALLOW, BREATHE, OR EVEN SLEEP version of tonsillitis. Have you ever tried to home treat yourself from an illness like this? Because I did. With everclear. Yeah. It helps with the pain, but surprisingly enough it does nothing for the infection. Who knew? So when Everclear wasn’t clearing up my condition, there I was, one of those statistics you read about, walking my broke ass into the ER to receive much needed medical attention.

Question. Have you ever been in such pain, wishing for a doctor but unable to go to one because you weren’t covered? Have you ever been forced to self medicate until your condition got so bad you could finally go to the ER for treatment? If you haven’t then I am honestly happy for you. But there are those of us who have been there and it’s a lonely feeling knowing that there is no one to help you. You feel sick for resorting to those measures, being a statistic people spit out of their mouth like bile, but there comes a time when you honestly have no other choice. Reminder, this is AMERICA. The birth land of Starbucks, Apple, PBR, and Burt and Ernie. So why are we not all covered again?

Sorry a little off track there. So yeah, then there was the ER visit I mentioned before that nearly forced me to drop out of college to pay off the huge bill. FUN TIMES! Years gone by without an eye exam, oh and the dentist? When it comes to the dentist, there is nothing quite as lovely as volunteering your mouth as a 'human class room' so city college students can practice procedures on you. Going to the dentist is never fun. Going to the dentist for 6-8 hours and having not one, but TWO people in your mouth moving at a snails pace detailing out loud each and every move is damn right EVIL.

The things I have done to ensure that my body wouldn’t crumble into a million little pieces…

SO, the moral of this story is that today, November 2st 2009 I FINALLY HAVE MOTHER FUCKING HEALTH INSURANCE through my work. Anyone else pick up on the fact that it took me nearly a year to get employee covered insurance again? A YEAR. In AMERICA. Around March of last year my mother was scared enough for my life to offer to pay for individual coverage at a price that made me ill. Each month that went by with her covering my health insurance out of pocket made me feel like a pathetic excuse for an adult. Being able to call her and thank her for being able to step in, thank her for protecting me, thank her for being willing to make that sacrifice, and then tell her I’ve finally got my own coverage and she no longer needs to help MADE MY YEAR.

My coverage is lame at best. Fucked up copays, deductibles I don’t even want to think about, and you best believe I’ll never fill a prescription at these prices, but just knowing I have something to fall back on if my health decides to slip finally enables me sleep better at night.

A DIFFERENT SORT OF HALLOWEEN

For the first time in I don't know how long, this year I had ZERO Halloween plans. See, Adam HATES Halloween. Which I can sort of see, I mean he was mugged by high school kids when he was 10, had his candy and clothes taken and then watched his friend get beaten with a sack full of candy. That would probably turn me off to the holiday as well.

Just to clarify, I am not the kind of girl who just decides that since my boyfriend doesn't like a holiday, I don't either. PLEASE. Believe me, I tried to find somewhere else to go. And I almost did head off to other lands to partake in Halloween nonsense, but then there was this thing that has come up in my life, this exciting thing that I can't wait to tell you all about that sort of is a little expensive, so I caved. Fun dress up, drunken in a bar somewhere Halloween plans flew to the wayside to make way for this new exciting, sort of scary experience I am getting ready to embark on.

Anyway, with no plans in the name of saving, and a man who HATES Halloween I am pretty impressed that I still managed to drag Adam to a real live pumpkin patch. That sort of coercion takes serious skill people.

LOOK! I even ended up in a picture while I was there! That never happens. Most days I worry that when I'm old I'll look back on my life and see millions of shots of EVERYONE ELSE but myself. If I happen to end up with Alzheimer's I'm doomed because I wont even have pictures for people to point at repeatedly and say, "Remember this Ashley? Remember when you thought it was ok to wear your hair like that even though everyone told you that you looked ridiculous?" I take that back. Maybe it's better there will be little to no evidence.

Except not this time. This time I forced a photo opt. Here's to me, showing up in my own memories.

Not even joking, we looked over and the seed was on her nose. It's like she is aware of the phrase 'Kodak Moment.'

I made a UW pumpkin, Adam a University of Utah pumpkin, and Oly, well she got her own special baby pumpkin. I think she really appreciated being included. These pumpkins were totally worth the effort because we were able to hear THREE different sets of parents tell us how cool our pumpkins were. Oh, and handing out candy to little kids wasn't half bad either. 

Halloween, you were different this year, but wonderful none the less.

 * If you'd like to see the whole Halloween album check out the images on Webshots *